The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
