I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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