I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
