Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
