i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
