Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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