im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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