He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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