guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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