Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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