Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize