your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
