Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
