Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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