I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
