I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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