as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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