got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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