I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize