just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Randomize
