Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
