why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
