Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
