We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
