Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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