I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
worst night to have a conscience
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
