the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
