you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
