I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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