just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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