we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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