Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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