I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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