Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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