My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Alive.
So much puke
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
