why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
