you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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