If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
