can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
