she was so not down for the gang bang
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
