In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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