STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
