it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
