my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It's never too late to be topless.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
