I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
