I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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