Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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