im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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