This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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