Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
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