I have demons in me.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
