she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
