We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize