Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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