i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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