i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
high people should be assigned attendants
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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