Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
