At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
