I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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