I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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