dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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