I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
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I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
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Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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