That's intense
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
