Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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