Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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