I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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