just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
