I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
