im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
