Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
