DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
