My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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