jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
