No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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