so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
