Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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