I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
