She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
